Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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