I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize