We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
