yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize