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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
