I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
