I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
