Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
