Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
