Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
