My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
