I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
