My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
