she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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