Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
