also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize