"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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