i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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