i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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