my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
should my penis look like a turkey
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
