I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Randomize
