If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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