I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
