He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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