there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
