i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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