He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
