two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
