I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
