i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
