i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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