I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
