I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
