I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
