If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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