Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
