I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
