I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize