I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
