Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
