i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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