Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
