oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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