and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
