Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize