Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
