If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
