i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
