so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Panties = found
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
