i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
