And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
