three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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