i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
