We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
When are your genitals available?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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