i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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