Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
