i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
