So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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