i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
