also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
