No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
