If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize