this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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