Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
