We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
