Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
