Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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