HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
