i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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