you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize