Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
so let's talk penis.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
