how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
