She is in my trunk
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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