i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize